Am I sick?
by Angrykarkat25
Summary: Karkat gets infected and is dying. Contains sadstuck. One-shot


I'd been in the hospital for about three months now. My illness keeps me away from my friends and boyfriend. The doctors don't know if my condition will worsen so they keep me restrained.

The nurses that bring me nourishment look terrified every time they enter the room; they quake in fear as they gaze upon my straight jacket and restraints over my legs and chest. They look at me like a wild animal about to attack. When I shift in the restraints they hesitate to move.

What's wrong with me? Am I sick?

Every day I come by the hospital and the doctors say that Karkat hasn't gotten any better. They don't know how to help a sick troll. Try to move on, that's what they said. Move on… That's impossible. How can I just move on from someone I love so much I would take his place if it was possible.

The doctors say that what Karkat has isn't just rabies, that because of Karkat's blood mutation, the rabies evolved. It evolved into something horrific. Something that makes you lose yourself and kill mercilessly.

I couldn't believe it. I was going to lose Karkat.

"We did the best we could." That's all they had to say. "Can I at least see him one last time?" I asked, feeling tears starting to well up. The doctor nodded and opened the door to Karkat's room, he warned me to be careful.

I stepped inside the room; it had white tile flooring with matching white ceiling panels to go along with it. The windows were barred and Karkat was in restraints.

It killed me to see him like this, his mouth was foaming a bit at the corner, and his grey eyes were wild and savage. I stood there in the middle of the room for a moment, just staring at him, getting every last detail of him memorized.

Slowly I made my way to the bedside and stood a foot away. "Hey Karkat," I smiled. "It's me, John. I'm sorry I haven't been able to come and see you." I paused for a moment, trying to come up with something meaningful to send him off to heaven with. "I wish we could have spent more time together. I miss the kisses we used to share and the rom coms that we watched and remember my birthday? You were the best present anyone could ask for…" My voice trailed off as I remembered all the small arguments and dates we'd had together, I bit my lip and tried my best to go on without crying. "You have to leave now…" Tears started to flow down my face as I remembered what the doctor said. "I-I'm gonna miss you Kark-kat. I don't want you to leave, but I can't do anything about it." My emotions were overflowing and soon I was crying over Karkat, he let out angry growls as my tears hit his straight jacket.

The doctors had to force me out of the room.

I thought I saw John today, he was crying and saying something about me leaving. I'm not going anywhere though! My doctors had to force him out of the room. Saying something like 'I'm sorry for your loss'.

John was always the emotional type, when something was sad he'd cry about it and I'd had to comfort him. It's always been that way in our relationship.

But I still don't know what John was talking about. I'm not leaving, I'll be right here until I get better.

It's been a couple of weeks since I thought I saw John.

I'd heard the doctors out in the hallway discussing a patient that had to be euthanized, it was a bit fuzzy but they said that the patient was incurable. I feel kind of sorry for the person.

A few hours after I heard the conversation the doctors came into my room with a syringe filled with a clear liquid. They stabbed the needle into my leg and filled my vein with it. It burned, as my blood carried the substance to my heart. My heart beat began to slow and my vision blurred. All I could think was 'I can't die now, I have to see John' after that my heart stopped beating completely.

Oh god, he's gone. That's all I could think when I stared at Karkat's casket as they lowered him into the ground and dumped dirt on top of the troll I loved. Everyone came to his funeral, but it ended soon.

I sat next to his gravestone and talked to him, crying as I did. Saying over and over that I wish I'd said I love you more to him as I lowered my head.


End file.
